catch-22 at starbucks

i'm sitting in a parking lot in falls church outside of starbucks and i look in my rearview mirror. i see a lady walking towards me, and i think i understand exactly what is about to go down.

she greets me, with a card in her right hand and her daughter's hand in her left, then hands me the card. the card reads something along the lines of "i have two daughters and no money. please, anything you can give. God bless." i hand her two dollars, she moves on.

i am still sitting in my car, and moments later i witness the same lady approach a woman filling her trunk to the brim with groceries. this woman's trunk was already full, with a half cart to go, as the woman approached.

the grocery lady appeared startled by the inquiry of the poor lady. perhaps it was just an unexpected visit from someone of an unexpected social class at an unexpected location. i couldn't hear any words, but i could see their eyes, and i could see the poor woman's fall away from the grocery lady's as grocery lady denied her help. the poor lady moved on. the grocery lady continued to load her things.

i didn't know how to feel as i watched the grocery lady struggle to find room in that big ole trunk of hers for all her things, as the poor woman walked away. it was easy to judge her. why didn't she pass on a buck, or give her a bag of her groceries? but i knew it would be too easy to buy into that feeling, so i made a conscious effort not to go there. what else was at work here?

maybe the grocery lady had just gotten paid and was buying groceries just so her family could get by for the next two weeks and didn't have anything to spare. maybe there wasn't any real reason she didn't give the poor lady any help. maybe the grocery lady is a jerk. maybe she thinks that the poor bring situations like this on themselves. regardless, it wasn't my place to judge.

so was i right for giving the poor lady money? some would say no - that throwing money around doesn't solve a problem. some would say yes - treat those like Christ would, or, more universally, treat others as you would like to be treated. i tend to treat these situations on a case to case basis. sometimes you can't understand the true weight of a person's situation, circumstances, intentions, whatever, until you speak with them. sometimes you get a good vibe from people. sometimes you get a bad vibe from people.

truth is, i don't know if she was really walking into giant to buy her daughter some food, or if she would later be walking into a salon for a manicure, and had found this to be easier than getting a job. however, i think in the moment, i determined that either way it must really stink to live life like that. to wake up everyday and drag your daughter along to get money from people. whether you need food, or you are too lazy to get a real job and are depending on your daughter to affect people's hearts, at least i know this money will get to that little girl in some way. you're either going to feed her cause she's hungry, or feed her cause you need her to get you things.

situations like this one are admittedly easier to rationalize. the daughter is a cheapshot, but a reality nonetheless. it's a bit harder when there isn't a kid involved, and it's just a random dude that smells like alcohol and is asking you for some money to buy a "sandwich."

God calls us to serve, love, and give. He also calls us to be good stewards of our money. at times it feels like an infinite catch-22. how are we supposed to respond to the poor and the homeless? it's a really tough question. we can't give every single less-fortunate person our money. i don't think that's an effective use of our funds; and it really is just throwing money at the issue.

so what do we do? well, i think it starts by us getting involved more specifically than just passing out a buck or two after its been so long since you last did it that you feel a bit guilty. pass out old jackets in the winter. drive around with bag lunches and dinners on cold nights. i think for the homeless, shelters are a great thing to support. i feel like shelters have to be the best way to provide centralized support for those in need. we know the money is going to the right people, and that those who truly want to help themselves have the opportunity to do so.

beyond that, especially when troubleshooting problems with the poor, it is tough to know what to do. i don't judge the grocery lady. i can't. i don't know her story. odds are, being a grocery shopper in the city with one of the highest median incomes in the nation, she was in a position to help - but maybe not. Lord knows i've been the grocery lady before; and depending on how i interpret need the next time i run into someone begging for money, i might be the grocery lady again.

the deal breaker for me today, was the thought that the poor lady might be walking back to her home tonight with groceries because 10 people were willing to give her a couple bucks, was all i really needed to part with mine.