the men's bathroom at the falls church panera is about as stable an environment as a rainforest.
as you walk in, the first thing you notice is the strong stale stench of urine. the next thing you notice are paper towels. there are paper towels everywhere. they are erupting like popcorn from the tall waste bin, caked like paper mache to the the 70's inspired tile flooring, saturating in the stagnant waters of the old style urinal, and basically just scattered about the place as if they were personally distributed by a paper towel bomber at a wet hands rally.
standing at the urinal, a desperate gentleman deems it socially acceptable, though it is not, to slide by you while you're in the middle of things. you'll feel the stall door open into your back, extending from the back of your head, all the way down your spine to an uncomfortable vertical point on your gluteus maximus. just to your left, a small divider blocks you from the short reach to the sink - not so much as an attempt at to privatize your urination, but more to keep the flush mist from glazing the sink's cool porcelain surface.
the place is dark, and gloomy, and one of those bathrooms where you feel better off leaving without washing your hands. considering the paper towel dispenser presents itself as the bathroom object most likely to harbor hepatitis, it's amazing to see how many paper towels are contrarily in circulation.
if you have to use this restroom, you'll want to spend as little time as you possibly can inside. please, #1 only. #2 you're better off... well. nevermind. and remember to breathe and touch as little as possible.
i mean, it's crazy right? panera. it just seems so modern, and definitely seems to be past the dirty bathroom trend that even modern america used to tolerate. it used to be that you could go into a nice restaurant and still find that their bathroom smelled of toilet sanitizer and had soap dispensers stocked with dishwasher detergent.
times have changed. now we stack our paper towels in wicker baskets atop prim porcelain or granite counters. we put newspapers in reading cases above toilets, and incorporate plants and trendy lighting. we've even got secondary trash receptacles by exits and cleaning checklists for employees to tend, ignore or forge.
panera, it's 2008. clean your $%#$#% bathroom!
haha love this so much. i'm laughing outloud in public.
ReplyDeletei know you may attempt to rebuke me on this, since it's in your nature to thoroughly think through all things, but the panera bathroom in falls church doesn't belong to panera. it's in the lobby of that entire building.
don't get me wrong, the women's room is equally terrible; the ONE stall doesn't even have a door that closes...forget locking it. it's handicapped and very large, so you can't even reach to hold the door shut while you use the facilities. so each trip to the bathroom means you are taking a risk that someone else will enter the bathroom and expose you to everyone waiting for the elevator.
with the revenue that panera brings that place, one would think that they'd do something about it...but it's not entirely panera's fault.
on that note, i've been known to use a mcdonald's bathroom before i use the falls church panera bathroom.
yeah i know that they don't "own" it, but i didn't feel like addressing it in this. i personally think that if they wanted to be cool, they would at least petition for a makeover and cough up some dough. every other panera puts in their own restroom, why not these guys? and since they don't have to, why don't they put out some green for a little bit nicer of a bathroom. that's all
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