ever since i heard the story of solomon, i was always amazed at the fact that when given the option from God to have whatever he wanted, he asked for wisdom. ever since i read that, it just clicked with me, and i sort of adapted it for my own life and began praying that God would continue to make me wise too. although i haven’t always felt like the wisest person around, i have felt the Lord honoring my heart regarding this matter; and at times it has mattered most, i have never felt shortchanged when God needed me to speak into someone’s life, or make a big decision regarding my own. every experience, good or bad, only gives me more perspective and knowledge from which to learn and grow. i’ve still got so much to learn, but He is constantly and consistently sharpening me in so many ways.
this past year i’ve felt like God has been teaching me about various aspects of leadership. i feel like having wisdom, and the ability to really try be a Christ-like leader to my friends, and anyone else i come in contact with for that matter, is only a part of who God made me to be. He also made me to be a musician – and, believe it or not, He pretty much had to remind me of that not too long ago.
last fall, i was really starting to feel the weight of the deteriorating abbott and west situation. something wasn’t clicking, and it was frustrating. i felt like my abilities as a guitarist were sliding because of the low motivation i felt in the band. though, that september, on the Frontline fall retreat, i watched fervently as talented, driven musicians led the body of Christ in worship; they seemed to be filled with joy while doing it. i was immediately drawn to it. towards the end of the trip, i felt God nudging me, telling me to get out of my musical rut and to stop burying the talents He had entrusted me to use for the benefit of His kingdom (matthew 25:14-30).
despite my inferiority complex in playing with musicians that i swore were a million times better than me, i auditioned for frontline worship – not because i necessarily thought i was the best thing ever, but because God called me to, and despite how second-rate i felt, i found great comfort in that.
people would ask me, “do you think you’ll get in?” i always replied that i didn’t know, but it didn’t matter because God told me to go audition using the talents i was given, and if i didn’t get asked to play anywhere, then there was a reason for it. still, it was easy for me to realize that, at the very least, this was just something i could do to show my obedience to God, sort of like abraham and isaac – an act i often forget and ignore.
recently, i have been blessed with such amazing opportunities to lead at the gmu and american gatherings, sunday morning middle school services, and frontline arlington. God called, and i answered, despite my initial fears and hesitations. the ways in which He has been speaking to me are different, yet significantly and almost poetically connected, in that sort of perfect, Holy Spirit kind of way. and because of the Lord’s intervention in my pretty stagnant life, i am learning how to be a better friend and leader to those around me, and have begun to excavate the musician that was sneakily slipping away, almost buried beneath my smug musical complacency.
thank you, Father, for letting me see.
-m-
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